Embracing Singleness: A Gift, Not a Burden

Really appreciate and thank God so much for godly young women. This is so encouraging to me. My hair is growing and I just ordered your products for myself and teenage daughter who is also so encouraged by you. Thank you for allowing the Lord to use you, it means more than you know.

Well, I don’t know about “pressure.” A lot of the time a relationship/romance/marriage is something we just genuinely want. These are normal desires, nothing wrong with that.

But, yes, singleness is certainly a good time to grow and prepare yourself for a marriage, or a potential marriage. It’s wise to set yourself up for success, find a decent-paying career, a place to live, and a healthy and godly lifestyle that will mesh with that of another believer. It’s wise to set ourselves up for success here, and it’s good to work on these things without the distraction of a relationship or marriage (though some people seem to manage this easily)

And yes, are identity is found in Christ alone. Often people will express this idea to singles with platitudes like “Jesus is enough.” I get what they’re trying to say, but being a Christian isn’t really a substitute for romantic love, if that’s what you desire. I can’t literally see Jesus, or literally talk to him. He can’t give me hugs or kisses, or spend time actually doing some activity. You can’t take Him out on a date or ask him to a dance. People mean well when they say “Jesus is enough,” but, to be honest, he doesn’t meet all of our needs or desires. Even if too many sentimental worship songs seem to express that message. But, yes, I understand that romantic relationships will never entirely fulfill us.

Is God preparing us a person, for us to meet in “God’s timing”? I don’t know, maybe. The Bible doesn’t make us any promises about that. In Matthew, Jesus clearly states that some people won’t get married (19:10-12) The Bible has good things to say about both marriage and singleness. When Paul talks about this (1 Corinthians 7), he writes that, if you’re single and struggle to control sexual desires, you should try to get married. In this case, the Bible encourages marriage. It does not, however, promise that it’ll work out for you if you do decide to pursue it. He does say that not everyone has the gift of singleness. But I’m sure that there’s many who lack this gift who, despite everything, still don’t find mates. Maybe some people are just luckier than others. Maybe it’s not part of God’s Master Plan. Maybe it’s just another symptom of a fallen, sinful world that some Christians find love, while other Christians try to find it but nothing ever works out. Who knows?

Regarding that verse, Psalm 37:4: “Delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart.”

I’m not sure this means God will work directly to help us achieve all of our deep-seated longings. He may intervene to help us achieve some of them as a way of blessing us. He might not. I don’t know. As any Christian will be able to tell you, just because you have strong desires for good things, doesn’t mean we’re guaranteed to acquire them.

This verse, of course, comes from Psalms. The Psalms are poems and prayers written by humans. Did David have some divine revelation that God will give his followers the things they want? I doubt it. Couldn’t this just be some sentimental poetry? Also, does God really “write our love story”? Maybe. Maybe not. The Bible doesn’t have anything to say about that, either. If He does, God never made that promise explicit to any biblical authors. Weird.

Anyway, hope tomorrow goes well for everyone. I’m bracing myself for some pain. But I will be spending it with some good people, at least.